Why Self Care is Mandatory

How do you self-monitor health?

In a car, if one part of the engine is not working correctly the engine light will come on. Most of us would take this as a sign of something not working and take it to the repair shop to have a look at. Some of us may choose to ignore the light and keep driving in the hope that it will just go away. If we do keep driving there may be other signs such as smoke or heat that the car is not working correctly and after a while if all of the signs are ignored the car will break down.

Like a car, our bodies are the same. In this case though, we don’t get a little warning light that something isn’t working, we get symptoms. These symptoms can come in all forms of communication such as pain, tiredness, aches, mood swings and so many more. If we do not listen to the warning signs when they first appear such as tiredness, hunger, thirst and then take action to fix them, larger symptoms will appear. Just like a car, when smoke appears, they body needs to show us that the way we are driving it is not supporting the body as a whole. This can be in the form of more severe pain, chronic fatigue and a mirid of other conditions.

IF WE IGNORE THE BODY WHEN IT WHISPERS, IT WILL NEED TO SCREAM TO BE HEARD.

If we continue to drive our bodies in the same direction and ignore all the warning signs, it eventually breaks down and we fall into a heap. Also like a car, if we put the wrong fuel in it, it will not run optimally so we need to be mindful of what sources we are using to fuel our body.

Everyone’s warning signs will be different and it is our own responsibility to know what they are for our own bodies. Something that it mild for one person, maybe extreme for another and vice versa. The more you are in tune with your body, the more you will be able to pick up on its warning signs.

Often, what gets in the way of us actually supporting ourselves and prioritising self-care is the fear of being perceived as selfish, and it is important to distinguish between self-care and selfishness. 

What is the difference between self-care and selfishness?

Often when we think about self-care, we think of bubble baths and massages and taking some ‘time out’ for ourselves. Often it is seen as an unnecessary indulgence at best and selfish at worst. Self-care can sometimes have a bit of a bad rap – especially when you are in a caring role for others and it is constantly shoved down your throat how important it is even though you feel like it is impossible to fit in. It is vitally important that we are able to look at the definition of self-care and how it differs from selfishness.

Self-care is self-preservation. When you are participating in an act of self-care, it is to preserve yourself so that you are able to care more deeply for others. It is putting the gas in your own tank so that you are able to go the distance required to support those around you. It is absolutely essential that you fill your own cup first before helping others, otherwise this will lead to feelings of resentment as you will feel that they are taking at the expense of you.

Too often, there can be a lot of feelings of shame when we feel resentment towards the ones that we love – but this is unnecessary. All resentment is communicating is that you require more self-care. There are four pillars that make up self care and these are; nutrition, sleep, exercise and expression. If any one of the four is lacking, you will start to feel depleted and if you are feeling drained – what is the quality like that you are caring for others with? Often it is fuelled with resentment and feelings of guilt and shame for not being able to care for others in the way that you would like to be caring for them.

This is because when we are pouring from an empty cup, we have no choice but to feel resentment and frustration toward those that we feel are taking from us. It may feel that way, but no one can ever take something from you that you are not willing to give.   See figure 1 below for a depiction of this. 

We have been conditioned to think that self-care can be an act of selfishness, and this is an extremely damaging perception to have. When we see self-care as being selfish, we are more reluctant to set boundaries with others and more likely to overextend ourselves to help others at the expense of body and health. Selfishness is acting in your own self-interest with the disregard of others because you do not want to be responsible. For example, the friend that always forgets their wallet when you go out to lunch.

Self care is not selfish, it is the most selfless thing that you could do as when you care for yourself in greater detail, the more you can care for others. The aim is to fill your cup so much that it is overflowing and you can then give the excess to others without compromising your own health (see figure 2).