Written by Mali McAnarney
When a clinician works from a mindset that they are “saving” a client then they are initially stripping the client of any sense of empowerment and empowerment is one of the key links in the success of a client’s treatment. Instead taking the mindset that you are a “helper” as a clinician will place the client in an environment where they are more likely to see ongoing success.
So let’s break it down.
When we consider what a “helper” is it is someone who genuinely wants to help someone by supporting them to find their own solutions and outcomes. You are more like a collaborator. You are there simply to help the person find their way through the mess or swamp that they feel that they are in. The key is you are there to help them find their solutions. This is where as a clinician you need to put your core values to one side. This is not about what you think is their best solution. Your client might find a solution that in your own life, or to your own friends you might shudder at the thought of, or you might go no where near it. BUT if you have been listening to your client, respecting their core values and beliefs then their solution is what matters the most in your clinical setting.
What’s more their solution and their success is theirs and theirs to own. The power of reminding a client that the credit is theirs and that they rightly earned it, that it was self-empowerment that got them there is one of the most powerful things that clients can take away- the concept- I did this.
Maybe next time your client goes to thank you, to say, ‘thank you for all you have done for me, thank you, I wouldn’t have gotten here without you’- why not try pulling them up for a minute, acknowledge that it’s lovely of them to say thank you but in actual fact the person that they should be thanking is themselves. The credit is all theirs. Watch them realise that they can pat themselves on the back.
Clinicians should be able to celebrate the successes for the client and with the client. It is not an independent solo trip down the lane of ‘I got blah blah amount of clients to positive outcomes this quarter’ they did- you just ‘helped’ them get there.
You helped them get there because you provided them with a space where they were heard, listened to, respected and un-judged. You guided them through tools and provided them with information, you gave them space to think and consider, you let them come back to you and say “you know that thing you showed me last week, well actually I didn’t like it, but it got me thinking and I found this instead that was kind of like what you suggested but works better for me.” What you did in that moment when they came up with their own tool was you focused on the fact that they had found their own.
Because this isn’t about you.
If you remember our previous blog post about The Truth about Therapy we mentioned that on average 50% of people who come to therapy improve. Those odds don’t stack up as that great in all honesty. Maybe it is about time we reconsidered ourselves- be the humble helper.
Now I am not saying that in your own person life after you have gotten home from work and you are sitting there enjoying maybe a glass of your favourite something, or you are driving home and your favourite tune is playing that you can’t smile to yourself and give yourself your own pat on the back, because you let the client lead. Because that last session they walked out patting their own back, celebrating their own successes. My friend, go right ahead. You played the role that you needed to play for them in order for them to get there. But do that in your own time.
So what is a ‘savior’?
A savior is someone who believes that they need to ‘rescue’ someone, often single-handedly. This creates a dependence towards the source of the savior. It can also disempower the other person making them feel like in order for them to succeed that they need you to help them control their emotions, responses and feelings. It also creates a power imbalance. Your client might likely walk away feeling like they spoke to a textbook, like they had a lecture, like they feel like they better come back because you have the answers…hold up right there.
Does this sound like the clinician you want to be?
You may find yourself thinking about now, “well how can I even tell if I am helping or saving?” You can ask yourself a key question “was I genuinely happy and celebrated with my client on their progress because of what they have achieved, or did I celebrate because it made me look good?” If it is the latter, then likely you are more positioned to be a ‘saver’ not a ‘helper’.
People’s personal lives can be full of saviors. You don’t have to discredit them. But the relationship that you develop with your client is not one based on dependency. It should be based on growth. You might here people say “oh everyone always comes to me for advice. I am so tired of helping people.” – the unqualified personal counsellor. There is no reason to discredit this in someone’s personal life, maybe they feel that responsibility to play that part in a person’s life, to offer advice, to take them places, to get them out of bed, to ‘save them’. But you are a clinician. You offer a relationship to a client like no other. You offer authentic and altruistic help in the form that when the client is ready to part ways, they are ready and equipped to help themselves. They don’t ‘need you’ anymore and that isn’t an insult.
A comment like this “no offense but I feel like my own therapist now” is literally one of the greatest moments a client can have, and it is all theirs and it should be celebrated by them.
Be the clinician that gives them that space.